Nicola Kirk: Author and Collector of Paranormal Stories and Other Strange Encounters

Posts tagged ‘zombie’

Ain’t Nothing Gonna Resurrect That…

When Your Nine Lives Is Up But You Refuse To Peg It.

The other day, my elderly neighbour, Mrs R., came to see me asking if I could help take her cat to the vet.  She didn’t look at all happy but the cat looked infinitely worse.

“He was fine up until it rained yesterday,” she told me sadly as we stood over the cat who was busy languishing on her living room carpet.  I eyed the cat and quickly concluded that the poor thing should have been put out of its misery a fortnight ago.  Our other neighbour, Mr B., had come over to see if he could help but, alas, it was clear that there was nothing more he could do other than dig another hole in Mrs R.’s garden.  (Whoever lives in Mrs R.’s house next is going to get one hell of a shock if they landscape that back garden: “Doris!  Doris, you’ve read Pet Sematary – what was the outcome and should we consider moving?!”).

“You know, I’m not sure that cat’s going to make it to the vet,” Mr B. muttered to me as Mrs R. scooped the stricken creature up and laid it in the cat carrier.  I peeked at the cat through the bars of its box.  Glassy eyed, mouth open, tongue trying to escape its head… it looked like it was somewhat… dead.

“Uh, I think it might be a bit late to take him to the vet,” I started to tell her as gently as I could, but then the cat gasped and twitched a bit.  “Oh!  Hold on… no, I think…” The cat went still  again.  “No, sorry, I think…” Gasp!  Twitch! Damn it cat, make up your mind!!

Best Paint Job Ever.

I kid you not, that cat was having a game with me as we loaded the carry box into my car and trundled off to the vet.  It waited until we parked up, walked in and sat down before it finally decided it would be better off vacating.  However, we stayed until the vet had a look at the now rapidly stiffening cat, pronounced him DOA (and probably dead quite some time before arrival too… days… perhaps weeks… it certainly smelt that way…) and gave poor Mrs R. a sympathetic smile.  I’m sure it was on Mrs R.’s lips to ask the vet to give the cat a shot with a defibrillator to see if that would do anything but I quicky ushered her back out through the door and into the waiting room again, her ex-cat firmly wedged back into its travel box ready for future planting in the back garden.

While I was sitting in the vet’s waiting room with zombie cat quietly trying out his latest rigor mortis poses at my feet, I thought about experiments that have been carried out in the past to try to resurrect animals.  Because in the 1940s, the Russians decided this was a good road to go down.  And us humans just can’t leave anything alone, can we?  Dead or otherwise, we just have to tinker.  Well, let’s face it, this kind of experiment is never going to be pretty, so people with a weak disposition probably shouldn’t proceed beyond this point (who am I kidding, we all know  you’re going to go ahead and watch it anyway):

And when you consider how we have progressed from that to this:

My, we have come a long way!  Hopefully Mrs R.’s cat will remain at peace in the back garden though because I’d hate to have to go after it with a shovel.  Hey, I’ve read Pet Semetery, too.

But for those of you who are now thoroughly traumatised, here, this should sort you out:


Nicola

©Nicola Kirk 2016 and www.nicolakirk.wordpress.com

Aside

BRING A ZOMBIE NIGHT AT MOUNT FITCHET

Zombie Framed Tile

Unless They’re From Mount Fitchet, In Which Case They’ll Just Shuffle After You A Bit.

Ah, I love Hallowe’en – it’s my favourite time of year.  When a friend of mine mentioned there was a Hallowe’en event at Mount Fitchet Castle near Stansted, Essex, well, how could I refuse? On Friday 1st November (not quite Hallowe’en night, but it was still the Dia De Los Muertos or Day of the Dead… if you’re from Mexico…) my friend and I took a drive to Mount Fitchet and braced ourselves accordingly.

Do Not Drink The Water

In Mulled Wine There Is… Uh, I Think I’m Happier Not Knowing.

The evening started with an offer of hot mulled wine, which I unfortunately couldn’t partake in because I was driving but perhaps that wasn’t such a terrible thing because my friend advised me that it tasted like nothing she’d never tasted before.  And not in a good way.   Okay, I had a tiny sip just out of sheer curiosity and once I’d managed to uncross my eyeballs, I came to the decision that mulled wine could be used as a method of corporal punishment.

Common sense dictated it would be wise to hunt out the ladies toilets before the tour started and I was advised it was ‘outside… see that light over there in the distance?’  I had a squint through the pitch black night and saw what might have been the dim light of a bulb burning in the distance.  I was glad the designers of iPhone had seen fit to give my phone ‘torch’ mode.  Because of this minor detour, I missed the first couple of minutes of the warm up act, a woman dressed up in old rags who was busy instilling fear into the masses with tales of ‘the Master’ who was on his way to take us on the tour.    It was when ‘the Master’ bowled in that I realised the evening was definitely going to be a good giggle.  Sitting at the back of the room did not offer an ounce of protection from the Master’s beady eye and I was quizzed about why I’d brought my cat with me (I was wearing an enormous fluffy scarf) and was labelled ‘cat woman’ for the rest of the evening, but I got off lightly as the guy opposite me was nicknamed ‘Product Man’ seeing as he’d cleared his bathroom cabinet of hair gel that evening.

And Not In A Good Way

We were led out of the main reception area and out to the main encampment. Halfway up the hill a young man, who appeared to be part of our group, approached the Master.  I overheard the Master saying, ‘Oh, okay, well stay here with me and I’ll get someone to come and get you to take you back again…” but before the Master could finish the young lad keeled over onto the grass and the rest of us were left standing there thinking ‘is this part of the evening or should we also be down in the mud trying to help…?”  I don’t think any of us had quite gathered our wits before the lad started to growl in a most unseemly manner and claw his way towards the rest of us.  Ahh… I see – Zombie Night was under way!   Once we’d dodged around the groaning, and now slightly muddy individual on the floor (apparently he had another six performances of that to get through before he was done for the night) the Master regaled us with tales of how witches of old were dealt with by the fiendish self-proclaimed Witchfinder General, Matthew Hopkins.  There was an accompanying slide show which sent shivers up my spine – they really used to go all out when it came to dispatching suspected witches.  I think the woodcut of one individual being hung up by the legs and cut in half had us all crossing our legs with sympathy.

I Believe This Covers It…

It was at this point that the Master then passed us over into the care of the ‘military’ where I was asked for my name and age in a dark tent and then was squirted directly in the face with ‘decontamination’ spray.  Wasn’t expecting that.  I think I may have referred to the person that did it as a ‘total bugger’… or words to that effect.

There was no artificial lighting up on the Mount other than little bonfires lit here and there which were both welcome and eerie at the same time.  There was also a low-lying mist that added to the atmosphere.  Somehow my friend and I started off right at the front of our group and then after a few zombie attacks ended up right at the back, so wherever we went we seemed to be prime zombie fodder.  The actors were great fun, dressed up in their zombie outfits with hideous make-up and well-practised zombie shuffles.  My friend attached herself to the back of my coat as we ventured through pitch black ‘morgue tent’ where we were liberally accosted by flailing zombie hands and shut in unlit cabins with sinister hooded figures.  It was great fun.  It reminded me of a sanitised version of the film “28 Days Later”.

Would I go again?  Oh, most definitely!  Put a note in your diary to go next year if you can.

But if you’re not quite feeling brave enough to venture out at Hallowe’en to fend off the zombies, you can still go during the day when they are in hiding and enjoy a  family-friendly day out.  Click here to see when the castle is open (but bear in mind that it is seasonal and shuts for the winter).

Nicola

weirdworld@hotmail.co.uk
©Nicola Kirk and www.nicolakirk.wordpress.com 2013
Follow Me On Twitter: @Weirdworld2013

TERMINAL JUSTICE – NOW AVAILABLE FROM AMAZON IN KINDLE AND PAPERBACK!

I’m delighted to announce that TERMINAL JUSTICE is now available on Amazon in both Kindle (for those techno-wizards amongst you) and paperback versions (for the traditionalists).  With special thanks to my mate, Kevin J. Smith, for the superb artwork!

If you’re fortunate enough to own a Kindle, or have the Kindle app on your phone (free to download from iTunes), you will be able to download a sample of the book (and indeed samples of all my other books if you so wish!) free of charge so you can have a nose first before deciding whether you want to purchase the whole thing.

I hope you enjoy the latest offering …

Cover Artwork ©K.J. Smith 2012    www.dreamscape-artworks.com

Life is generally a fairly quiet affair for writer and white witch, Lena Rowan.  Okay, so she has a major Brownie infestation at home, a neighbour who thinks she is the spawn of Satan and she occasionally suffers from writer’s block but things could be worse…

When Lena arrives home one afternoon and finds a message on her answer machine from a terrified stranger who begs her for help, she suspects her peace and quiet may be about to suffer a devastating hit.

Thrown into a world of undead murderers, zombies and drug lords, Lena soon discovers that there really is no rest for the wicked…

CLICK HERE FOR THE PAPERBACK VERSION

CLICK HERE FOR THE KINDLE VERSION

THE INHERITANCE – A SHORT STORY

For Sarah, inheriting Grandma’s legacy wasn’t quite what she’d hoped for…

Click here for a free copy of: The Inheritance

Format: PDF file

Nicola

©Nicola Kirk and http://www.nicolakirk.wordpress.com 2010

TERMINAL JUSTICE – A FICTIONAL NOVEL

Life is generally a fairly quiet affair for writer and white witch, Lena Rowan.  Okay, so she has a major Brownie infestation at home, a neighbour who thinks she is the spawn of Satan and she occasionally suffers from writer’s block but things could be worse…

When Lena arrives home one afternoon and finds a message on her answer machine from a terrified stranger who begs her for help, she suspects her peace and quiet may be about to suffer a devastating hit.

Thrown into a world of undead murderers, zombies and drug lords, Lena soon discovers that there really is no rest for the wicked…

SAMPLE CHAPTER:Terminal Justice – Sample Chapter

Pages: 369

First published: 2010

Language: English

Format: PDF file

Preferred method of payment: Paypal

Price: £4.50

To place an order email: weirdworld@hotmail.co.uk

Nicola

©Nicola Kirk and http://www.nicolakirk.wordpress.com 2010

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